Whoa.

It's been just about forever since I last posted. I'm terribly sorry I haven't, for those who enjoy reading this. I really appreciate those who comment- it takes that "this blog is for nothing" feeling away.

I'm going to try and touch down on the last.... 16? 17 days? Oh well. I knew I'd forget to wish you all for Halloween. I hope everyone's Halloween was safe and no one got bad candies. Let's see, the fourth of October, I woke up to a sharp shooting pain in my mouth, and I wiggled the tooth where the pain was coming from. That's right, I wiggled it. I called the dentist for an immediate extraction, the earliest I'd be able to get in was the next day at 4p. I went it and they x-rayed it. I cracked it all the way up the root and it would either be a $1200 root canal and crown, or a $300 extraction. While extracting it, it cracked in 3 places. It was the worst tooth ever. It failed. They gave me vicodin and motrin, as well as a super salt water rinse. The Monday after the extraction, October 9th, I had an psychological analysis for ADHD. It was from 2 until about 5.45, but they weren't expecting it to get done until 6.30p. Ahahahaha! I focused. They lose. The results would be back within 2 weeks. So, hopefully before october 23rd I'd hear back from them! The tooth didn't heal up until about three or four days ago, when, consequently, my
roommate had a realisation that his emotions and his logic weren't matching up. He realised this because lately I've been asking him "What do you feel when you're [insert emotion here]?" and he's had Mondays off of work because he, as well as the rest of the factory where he works at, got cut one day short. His were Mondays. He thinks people are watching him when he's not in the privacy of a house, waiting for him to make a mistake so they can humiliate him, but logically he knows they aren't. There are no people waiting or watching, and that it's all in his head. However, when he's out, they're there. Waiting. Watching. Lurking, and creeping.

All this paired with the holidays, and needing to vent has had me quite stressed. I tend to clench my teeth when I'm stressed- which made my bottom left, and only remaining, wisdom tooth really start hurting. Motrin doesn't touch it. Prescription motrin doesn't. Time to get that pulled, but I want to do my other tooth in the back at the same time, as it's a non-functional tooth, and all it can do is wait to get a cavity- which it already has. There's another $600. Jesse's van needs a display light bulb, as well as its' filters and fluids changed.

To put the icing on the cake, my mom has a mole that looks like melanoma on her face and is awaiting biopsy reports. I bet she's going to try and guilt me into coming to see her. Thanks mom. Oddly enough, when I heard that news I was quite relieved, which is just a sign that I need to leave her behind. I might not be able to get rid of her, but I don't need to keep her. A mother isn't always a mom, and mine sure as hell wasn't.

Also, I had the opportunity to acknowledge just how much I love my dad, how much of my childhood "hate" for him was actually hurt, and how much I needed him then. I need to get over the fear of him rejecting or abandoning me, because if he's stuck through this long to wait for me to come around, he'll stick around for me as long as he can. I need, for my sake, to tell him how much he means to me. He's a gift, really.