Preset Ideals & Ponderings

What do you see when you think female? And male? Anything in particular? Are there distinct differences between the two? What about a gay? A lesbian? A straight girl? Guy? Bisexual? Transsexual? What do you think when you hear the word 'queen'?

I hate that society has even made these words to differentiate and categorize. People are people, what they do to their image or with their genitalia does not make who they are. Our actions, and prejudices, provide more than enough verbiage to explain a person. How can you possibly form a correct judgment on a person just by knowing who they sleep with? Or how they do their hair or where they shave (or lack thereof?)

Can you still picture your best friend in kindergarten? What made them so great? Their personality, I would bet. They wanted to be friends, have someone to confide in. Not because you were pretty, smart, or wealthy.

How could we, as we age, lose so much over the course of 10 to 13 years? How can forget what really matters? When did we forget to forgive? Treat others as we'd like to be treated? When did it become to keep our heads above the rising water, and go on in this dreary grey world? Why did we stop 'helping thy neighbor'? Is it because we got nothing out of it? What about the warm fuzzy feeling of helping someone else? Why not do good, just to do good? If there were no positives or negatives to be gained or lost would we all be evil for the sake of being evil? Would we not have a conscious?

I don't think people are born inherently evil. I think we've been taught to turn a blind eye, unless there are things to be gained. We've been taught to associate images with words, make patterns- whether they are there or not. What if we weren't to make those associations? And go into everything as though it were completely new? I would hope it would make a differences

Read more...

Catching Up

So, last week I went to 'meet' my dad. First time in 8 years, and everything I thought I knew about him was a lie. I went there with an open mind, an open heart, and a clear conscious. A good friend of mine, Tyler, drove me up there. we had 13 miles of construction, and we were going 3mph for most of the 13 miles. All in all, it took us about four and a half hours to get there, and I met my dad under the Mackinaw bridge. He looked about the same as he did 8 years ago, just greying a bit more. He hugged me- it was such a loving and much needed embrace. His daughters were with him, as well as his wifey, Jodi. Another 5 hour trip back to Wisconsin across the U.P. Nothing but trees and no freeway.

Once we arrived, they carried the girls inside. Their house was beautiful, and they had a farm with 20 some horses, 2 or so dozen chickens, a handful of rabbits, 12 dogs, 8 puppies, and 3 cats. I felt at home. We didn't stay up late that night as we had work in the morning. Work? What work? Farmwork. The next day I met the rest of the family, Jessie, 16, her boyfriend, Roger ( who was nicknamed Hiawatha), John, aka shooter, and his girlfriend Brianne. Let's not forget Chou Cha either, Chou Cha is polish for Auntie, she was amazing. In her 80's and still had a ton of fight left in her. I can only wish to have that much fight in me at 80.

Roger, Jessie and Jodi went out to do the morning chores- taking the puppies out to the pen from the stall, feeding the chickens, cleaning QT, Traveller, and the puppies stalls, feeding the colts, Cherry, Frosty, the rabbits, chickens, puppies, dogs, and let out Gretta, Tucker, and Pepperann. I followed Jessie around as she showed me the barn and all the animals. We found Minnie's three week old kittens too, she had six in all, and we moved them to the kennel. It wasn't even noon and it had been an amazing day. My dad had went to the mill, and the girls, Jake and Joe (short for JaKota, and JoHanna respectively), were playing on their gator and bikes in the front lawn.

The rest of the week went along pretty quietly. I was in charge of feeding and watering the animals as well as cleaning out the stalls. By the end of the week I was able to do all the chores in about an hour! Spectacular! Saturday. I wasn't ready to leave. It had been a great week. My dad and I made a new Aggravation board and a cat toy. I also had adopted a kitten from Minnie's litter- she looked almost dead when we found her.

And now that it's been about ten days since I've returned, I still want to go back. Part of me doesn't want to leave what I've made for myself. A secondary family, one that loves me to bits, is concerned about me and shows it, they trust me, and I love them all for that.

Read more...

A heavy heart?

I can't quite put it to words what I'm doing here. Is this just to establish a sense of who I am? Putting all of what I've felt into something that is somewhat materialized? Maybe it's all just superficial. Something just for my benefit. I hope this helps someone, somewhere in the long run. I hope it helps me.

Read more...